Tapestry 2020

25th May 2020.

In my other world as a palliative care doctor – I have found it hard to write about the loss, the grief, the hope and the creativity arising from the coronavirus pandemic. If I open the door in my mind and consider the global impact , the scale of this is overwhelming.

So , what to do?

Phrases, first lines, moments of terror , anxiety and acute emotion collide with the practicalities of ‘just getting on with the day job’ – supporting my clinical team, donning PPE and seeing people in their houses who need palliative care and mentoring postgraduate students who are on front lines across the world . I write these first lines down when I can remember them and when I can and hope the ones I can’t will come back sometime. So there are lines on scraps of paper, note books , diaries, phone and ipad …

And still I was stuck

Until , the phrase ‘it’s only a piece of paper’ emerged as I sought some watercolour paper to paint flowers and it got me thinking: I could weave a tapestry, a tartan design of words that have arisen through the pandemic – both mine , and those inspirational words from others ( which will be duly acknowledged) .I have no idea what it will look like , and it may mean nothing to anyone apart from me, but it may unlock meaning …. and that seems like a good plan. Tartan being our family tradition. Blog poems that are woven into the tapestry over the next few months (? Years?!) will have a tartan design as their motif .

It’s been a dilemma over recent decades to know how much of the palliative care world to publish beyond my own experience of death within my family. Our work gives unique and rich dimension and reflection on life and loss but the professional- patient relationship is one of extreme sensitivity, ethical boundaries and privacy so I hope I have never unwittingly overstepped any line.

So: to all my colleagues – thankyou for support; to my family- thankyou for zoom and messenger; to my lifelove – words can’t do justice to our journey ; and to those we look after – thankyou for making me question, think and reflect – we are travelling these unmarked paths together.

29th May 2020.

Starting to add the text – weaving poems and sayings together – noticing dates and times of writing – the project starting to take on its own life.

30th May 2020

It seems there were more words than I thought ! Nearly completed all the horizontals …

25th October 2020

It is finished and off the board – 28 poems, themes from 1 book – Amy Morin – 13 things , 3 rock bands …. 5 months after the first entry. We’re now in a second wave and a new artwork is about to start. Looking at this today , it seems so vital to have undertaken it – one forgets – possibly a good survival strategy – how tough those first few weeks were. There is a different feeling now – people are tired, Wales is 3 days into a national lockdown – and we seem to have lost that national feeling that everyone in the UK is ‘ in it together’ which is undermining … if we let it … good luck folks – stay safe, stay strong.

THE POEMS:

Mask by mask – https://johansenpoetry.uk/2020/05/25/tapestry-2020-mask-by-mask/

Fighting back – https://johansenpoetry.uk/2020/05/25/tapestry-2020-fighting-back/

Death during Covid – https://johansenpoetry.uk/2020/05/27/death-during-covid-2020/

Back in limbo land – https://johansenpoetry.uk/2020/05/27/tapestry-back-in-limbo-land-may-2nd/

Mask – https://johansenpoetry.uk/2020/05/29/tapestry-mask/

Easter sunday FaceTime with our children – https://johansenpoetry.uk/2020/05/29/tapestry-easter-saturday-face-time-with-our-children/

Good Friday 2020 – 3 pm https://johansenpoetry.uk/2020/05/29/tapestry-good-friday-2020-3-pm/

For P – https://johansenpoetry.uk/2020/05/29/tapestry-for-p/

Another front door step start to the day – https://johansenpoetry.uk/2020/05/30/tapestry-another-front-door-step-start-to-the-day/

Coming out of lockdown 30 May 2020 – https://johansenpoetry.uk/2020/05/30/tapestry-coming-out-of-lockdown-30th-may-2020/

Pandemic nights – https://johansenpoetry.uk/2020/06/14/pandemic-nights/